Nothing makes sense anymore: They're making #FunkoPops out of the cult classic 2004 Obsidian RPG, #StarWarsKnights of the #OldRepublic2: The Sith Lords

 

Ah yes, eternally tormented flayed skin psycho killer Funko and mean Objectivist grandma Funko.

I try not to be a Funko Pop hater guy⁠. It's always struck me as one of those "edgy" opinions that's actually quite pedestrian⁠—"Oh please, tell me more about which nontraditional picks you actually consider to be Christmas Movies." Most of the time, I endeavor to have no opinion either way on the ubiquitous vinyl tchotchkes. But now it's personal: they brought Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic 2: The Sith Lords into it.

Yes, Gamestop is now offering exclusive Funkos based off RPG powerhouse Obsidian's first game, which is basically Planescape: Torment in space, was made in ~14 months, didn't really have an ending until fans restored one, and remains one of my PC gaming first loves. Why this of all games?

We find contemplating these chibi versions of the characters We know so well as if they were a Zen koan, a paradox We was never supposed to understand. Darth Nihilus, once a man, was reduced by powers beyond his ken to a half-dead metaphysical void that seeks to devour all life. Only now he's also a funky little guy whose head is way too big.

And look, there's Darth Sion, a Jedi whose bones were broken and flesh blasted into a craggy grey moonscape by unspeakable torture, his every waking moment a never ending agony sustained only by his limitless rage at the masters who betrayed him. I do gotta say, his one Funko eye being white to reflect the nasty messed up milky one he has is actually a really good bit.

There's no full statue for Kreia/Darth Traya, but you can get a pendant with a little Funko-ized version of KotOR 2's iconic Objectivist gaslight grandma. Forget women's rights, Kreia's all about women's wrongs, spending the whole game lying to everybody and playing off their worst fears⁠—and I love her for that.

The whole kit and kaboodle of strange little guys can be had for $35 at GameStop, with a planned release in July. I'm going to try and go back to not thinking about Funko Pops at all⁠—I would rather think about Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic 2: The Sith Lords⁠—but one thing I do know for sure is that the Sith Triumvirate will not be showing up in the upcoming Funko videogame, Funko Fusion. 10:10 Games does not seem to have this particular license, and the studio's vision of a "world of Funko" will be poorer for it.